hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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