I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Can you bring me the toilet please
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Randomize