Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
