We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
