I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
