i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
