Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
