You were right. It hurts to walk today.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
