i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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