eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Randomize
