Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
operation harelip BJ is a go
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
