if only i could text you this smell
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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