jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
This house was built for laser tag.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
