I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
