some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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