(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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