apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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