I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
