I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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