I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
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