Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
