They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
