My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
