just come out here and I will go home with you...
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
