"it" just moved
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize