Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
