12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
