I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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