You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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