If that was your dad, he is hot
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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