i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
