im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize