Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
