i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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