So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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