Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
