As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
