He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
