I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Alive.
So much puke
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
