you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
did i walk over a car last night?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Randomize
