wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
