i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
