Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
