I'm going to jail i love you
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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