we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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