So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
