the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
