someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
