You work out of a Hotel?
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
