Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
