By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
