Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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