I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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