When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
