Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
