dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
