What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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