there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
