Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
