He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You may now shotgun with the bride
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Randomize
