so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
