lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize