Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
