an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
