thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
