I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
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