Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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