Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize