So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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