Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
