my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Sext me about skeletons
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
