Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
