was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
