Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
