I feel like abortions should bother me more
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
