They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
