Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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